What if your resolutions focused on being yourself rather than changing yourself?
If you know me, you’d probably also know I don’t like New Year’s resolutions and won’t do them. I don’t see this as a moral imperative, so if you love them, that’s great. But I’ve noticed that when I’ve tried to make resolutions the old-fashioned way, I generally find them restrictive and unmotivating. I crave space to explore ideas, outcomes, and possibilities for the future.
While I believe there’s a time and place to take on challenges, I don’t think that needs to be the primary lens through which we envision our lives. Especially when so much around us is exhausting, I believe it is a powerful act of resistance to cultivate joy in our lives.
So, while I can understand the method in the madness, I’m looking for something that allows me to engage with goals for the new year from a place of creativity, wholeness, and abundance.
Because of this, I’ve embraced a desire-based approach to envisioning my year. It started in 2020 when I focused on 20 desires. In 2021, I listed 21, and in 2022, I listed 22. You get the idea. But rather than continuing to increase the number each year, which would make the year 2050 a very busy one, I’ve created and adopted this framework, the 3x5 Method, which streamlines the intention of centering my desires for a year.
Why Use This Method
This practice has been one of the most impactful ways for me to approach the clean slate of a new year. It helps me imagine the days ahead and prioritize actions aligned with my desires.
I revisit my list monthly, reflecting on what I’ve discovered about my desires—what I’ve accomplished, what’s still in progress, and what has shifted. Each month is an opportunity to check in with myself, and I always learn something new.
I’ve noticed that my desires evolve, and I welcome that. This evolution makes the process feel inviting and encouraging rather than rigid or stifling.
What if the true test of a worthy goal is whether you’re happy to return to it?
In life, what gets you real momentum and traction is consistency. That’s why your genuine desire is the fuel to keep showing up repeatedly to get to where you want to go and see things through.
It might sound counterintuitive to the ‘no pain, no gain’ mentality, but the goals you create for yourself should feel like a partner that grounds and motivates you, not a tedious taskmaster you can’t wait to get away from.
The 5 Pillar Categories
The pillar categories within the 3x5 Method—values, outcomes, relationships, learning, and centeredness—are intentionally interconnected. They capture the holistic nature of our lives and how our best pursuits are rooted in understanding this integration between self, others, beliefs, actions, and momentum. We are human, not goal-driven machinery, and our approaches to the central concerns of our lives should reflect our humanity.
By naming three true desires in each category, goal-setting feels less like an overwhelming to-do list and more like aligning with embodied intuition and authentic motivation. You remove the shame, guilt, or pressure that conventional goal-setting often brings. Instead, you focus on what will genuinely excite you—what you’ll look back on in a year and feel proud of.
How to Do the 3x5 Method
Here are some questions to help you in your reflection:
Values
What are three values you aspire to embody this year?
Why are these particular values vital to you?
Reflect on what makes them meaningful and how they can guide your decisions and actions.Relationships
What are three relationships you want to invest in more deeply this year?
Why have you chosen these?
Consider specific ways you can nurture these connections.
*While all relationships are meaningful, it can be helpful to identify those that need extra intentionality—whether that’s with family, friends, neighbors, mentors, therapists, or other sources of support.Learning
What are three things you’re excited to learn this year?
These could include professional, personal, short-term, or long-term skills, practices, paradigms, or frameworks. Let your curiosity guide you!Centeredness
What are three ways you’ll prioritize rest and centeredness this year?
What will help you care for your mental health and feel physically, spiritually, and emotionally grounded?
Identify practices or habits that nurture your well-being and help you stay present.Outcomes
What are three outcomes you’d be thrilled to see by the end of the year?
Think of this as a way to prioritize what excites and motivates you. These don’t have to conform to traditional goals but can instead reflect your life's unique meaning, joy, and creativity. I once saw someone talking about one of her goals for the year, which was to pet as many cats as possible and journal about each cat that helped them get closer to that goal, and I honestly love that.
Let’s Keep Learning Together
Perhaps my favorite thing about all of this is that as I’ve shared this method with others, it’s been inspiring to see how people engage with it. One person told me it felt “motivating and unrestricted.” Another shared that they have always struggled with goal-setting but found this approach life-giving—and even surprised themselves with what they included on their list! A middle school teacher told me she used it with her students. Amazing.
Of course, you can do this exercise with pen and paper. But because I love tools that make reflection even more engaging, I’ve created a fillable template to guide you. It’s designed so you can revisit it regularly, which is where the real magic happens.
Goal-setting doesn’t have to feel like a punishment. I believe in setting goals that flow naturally from your authentic self and deepest desires.
What about you? What goal-setting methods have worked well for you? Would you try this one? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Get the template
In the future, I’ll be offering subscriber-only templates and tools for these kinds of conversations but since I’m just getting started in these Substack streets, I’m sharing them with all. If you found this helpful, please share!
If you’re a Notion fangirl like myself, use this version. If not, here’s the PDF. We’ve got options around here.
About the Writer of this Newsletter
Tracey Gee is a certified leadership coach and consultant and the author of The Magic of Knowing What You Want: A Practical Guide to Unearthing the Wisdom of Your Desires. You can read my full bio here and learn more about my book, which will be released on January 28, 2025.
Thank you Tracey, this is a really interesting take on New Year's resolutions, and I'm very intrigued by your desire-based approach. Thanks also for sharing your 3X5 method to establish and think-thru what you want to accomplish. Really thought-provoking insights and a very understandable framework.